Out of Sorts

Ack, I've been wanting to write in this all week, but I haven't had time for it at all. I was actually going to go straight to bed tonight, but I felt like writing some stuff down instead. I went home last weekend, and it was great. Except for reinstalling Windows XP again on my laptop because it had issues. It was so stupid though because the virus checks that I ran didn't turn anything up, so I didn't know what the problem was. I suspect it was a virus after all though, because as soon as I got back to school, it came back. Wasn't as horrible as the first round, but still annoying in that it kept shutting my computer down every now and then. Spent many many hours trying to fix it - can't get rid of it, but at least it's quarantined, and my computer's been behaving pretty well so far. I oughta try to BitTorrent something though to see if it's still messing that up.

This week was the worst week ever. I was behind in stuff because of being home all weekend, and I stayed up way too late for most of the week. Getting five hours or less of sleep in a night is really bad, and it's even worse if you do it for three nights in a row. >~< So I got through the week all right, but this week looks just as bad. I really want to get ahead of my work, but it seems to be quite impossible. Today was a total waste work-wise - I spent three hours in the anime club office trying to check things in. Oh yeah, looks like Jack Florey is a member of the anime club since he checked stuff out this week. What the heck! And I couldn't check up on it because Liang still hasn't restored officer permissions to me for the member database yet. Aargh! That annoyed me for the whole afternoon. For you non-MIT folks, Jack Florey is a pseudonym that the hackers use... It's kind of like 'John Doe'. So yeah. Ring Premiere was tonight too... Standing out in the cold for 20 minutes kind of sucked, but hey so did everything else. Well, the ring's pretty cool. I do have some issues with it though. Like those frat letters on the side, and the Stata Center showing up in three different places on the ring. Aaah! But I really liked the Mars/shooting star part, and I like how both IHTFP and ILTFP both showed up in the ring (I hate/love this f***ing place). ^_^ And Ring Delivery is at the Top of the Hub (top of the Pru), which is really really cool. Just have to think about ordering a ring now... Heh heh.

We went to go see Lost in Translation tonight. It had no plot and it had Bill Murray (ew!), but it was still a really great movie. I can really appreciate the culture shock these people must feel when they go to Japan... I was also highly amused that I could understand about half of what the cameraman was saying in the beginnning. Hooray for knowing bits and pieces of Japanese! :P I really liked the movie, and not just because it was about Japan! The short before the movie was quite good too, so it was a nice thing to finish off an otherwise depressing day.

After that, we went to the Third West Mardi Gras Party over at East Campus. They had the best music that I've heard at a party in... a very long time. No hip hop at all, what a relief! But ugh, I got spacey again... That always happens when I'm around a bunch of people. I kind of drift off and feel all distant, and it's all so very stupid of me. People go to parties to have fun, but I don't really understand what that means. So there's music and you dance, and that's cool and all, but... well, I'd feel kind of stupid if I let myself stand there and actually think about it. I've found it's better not to think too hard. And then you try to talk to people and the music's too loud... And then when there's no one to talk to, you just sit around and feel alone. I don't know. I'm not good with people. I'm not outgoing at all, and it's always been like that, and it will always be like that and what happens when I'm finally out on my own and I'm alone and all of my friends are gone? Looking at the future is such a frightening thing. Which reminds me that I still have to write cover letters so that I can find a summer job so that I can do something useful with my life and not feel like such a worthless fool who can live only from p-set to p-set. There's got to be more to life than what I'm living right now, because it sure feels pretty damn empty.

Well, look at that, another evening pulled down into hollow misery because I'm stupid like that. All in all, it was a rather nice evening, and I did enjoy myself, even if Jim thought I didn't. He seemed really worried about it too. o_o; I did have a good time, I'm just very bad at expressing myself. I keep telling myself I need to change, but it's a really hard thing to do. Owari da.

- Flykyr Skysong

Current song: None
Current mood: Feeling very small... ._.